We have a lot of firsts we like to talk about.  In our youth, it would have been about our first kiss (ironically, I live across the street from the house I had my first French kiss, not a topic I’ve discussed with my neighbors, lol).  As a youth and an adult, it may be the first time someone tells you they love you (Will and I said “I love you” on our first date and never looked back). Of course, there’s always the negative firsts-a heartbreak, job loss, etc. We grow from these type of firsts and share them in hopes to help others in the future.

However, what’s been on mind lately is the firsts that happen after someone you love passes away. These firsts are not always discussed as much as the ones mentioned above. I started thinking about these firsts as they relate to the recent passing of my grandmother. William Michael, our son, wrote his whole name yesterday and when I mean his whole name I mean “William Michael Coplin.” I immediately shared with grandparents, aunts, etc. Instantly, I thought about how I needed to go see Maw Maw Faye and let her know the good news. Then, reality hit and a small pain shot through my heart. This small pain was much like the hours after she passed; I walked into her home for what we be the first time without her being there (not in a sense she was not home but that she would never be back). It was an odd feeling and still is from time to time (I imagine it will be that a way awhile). As my cousin and I discussed the other day, from the décor in her home to the shoes in her closet, it is and will not ever be the same.

I have always been taught to seek the truth in every situation. I have been searching for the truth in these “firsts” that everyone has to experience.  I think these “firsts” are there to remind us how much the ones that passed on mean to us. It’s a way to never forget them (not that anyone ever would) and hold them close to our hearts.  These “firsts” will never be easy but should be embraced. We must remember, too, that our loved ones are still with us to share these moments. I’d like to think of my grandmother as a guardian angel and smiled when she saw William Michael write his whole name. If you listen closely and pay attention to your surroundings, I believe our loved ones are letting us know they are there.

From left to right, my grandmother  and her sisters, brother, and father. All have passed except for Aunt Myrle.  I like to imagine when my grandmother passed, she entered heaven looking as young as she was in this photo.