He or she is at every school in every town across America. You know her and as you are reading this, her name will come to mind. Although, looking back a lot of who this person was I created in my own mind. The popular kids or who we perceive to be popular are that by either birthright, the street they lived on, or a fairy Godmother some of us never seemed to possess. The birthright part is tricky because I have an older sister I consider to have been very popular but I am not sure that even though I was a legacy, that her popularity was passed down to me as I made my way down the halls of Demopolis Middle School. By now, the song Popular by the Butthole Surfers is playing in the soundtrack of your mind.

She had light brown hair with highlights from a summer at the pool and her eyes were hazel. Hell, who can compete with Hazel against my plain, brown eyes? When she walked by, guys stopped and noticed. She exuded so much confidence-it’s as if nothing bothered her. Her clothes were of the latest trends and from the most fashionable place in town – The Perfect Touch-down to the Birks on her feet. I looked down at my own clothes.

If you were of the betting type, you knew for sure, she would be elected to whatever was being voted on- whether it was as silly as who’s going to take money to the office for the teacher or “Best Dressed, Figure, etc.”.

Her ladies in waiting were always by her side-popular by default or appointment. I’d like to think that most were true friends to her, but I knew that some were looking for any opportunity to knock her off the throne.

A lot of decisions made in middle school were made with sound, reasonable judgment by answering two to three simple questions. The answers were actually what YOU thought she’d answer not reality.

1. What would she think?
2. Would she wear that?
3. Is she going?

You see, being your own person wasn’t quite in. And, oh the pressure to be something you know deep down you would never be.. it was exhausting. I knew, too, that I would never be able to ignore the beat that kept playing in my head, challenging me to seek my own path, the one less traveled, the one most kids did not even know existed or were too afraid to take.

One day she spoke to me. What do I do? Do I bow, curtsy? My brain said, “Speak dummy!” I said “Hi!”. And as the years went by, I began to realize that the popular girl, the band girl, or whoever was just like me. We were all trying to find our place in the world. We all had our own hopes and fears. We all wanted to be accepted for who we are.

I learned the importance of being a friend and accepting others for their differences. Widening my circle, being inclusive. Now, as an adult, I realize now more than anything, we still need to accept others for their differences, invite them to our table. For, we all have been the girl or guy who didn’t feel like they didn’t quite fit in and wondered if our existence mattered to someone.

Spoiler alert to the kids out there, popularity is only a myth we’ve created in our mind as to what we feel we have to do be accepted, to belong. In truth, no of us are popular. We are just trying to make it like the rest of the human race. Choose to be a friend over status.