I started this journey wanting to normalize conversations about having cancer and all that goes with it. If I am true to my journey then I need to be completely honest with myself and you. I’ve started radiation. The whole process takes about 15 minutes or so. My arm is propped up and my head is turned. Seems fairly easy, right? I go to radiation every day, five days a week for 28 total treatments. Again, like chemo, who is counting? I am counting.

I have experienced some anxiety with this process. I am not sure why as chemo was much harder in terms of the physical. Radiation is more of a mental game. I am not great at sitting still and being forced to sit as still as possible is not easy. As I type this, I feel ridiculous. Anyone should be able to sit still for a period of time. What’s wrong with me? I could nap in a tanning bed back in the day (yes, I put those stickers on too, lol) so I can do this. This is not even enclosed!

This is where I am still learning to give myself grace. The part where I have to be okay with not being okay. I am not admitting defeat but rather that I am having some struggles that will be overcome! I’ve come a long way since September and the finish line is near. Endurance is now the game.

Cancer is physically exhausting but it can be just as taxing mentally. I share this because I want someone else going through something similar to know it’s okay and it will be okay. Going through Cancer treatments is not about perfection but rather getting better and in my case, preventing it from ever coming back. When I start feeling a bit of anxiety, I think about my blessings. I try to push through the uneasiness. I have also learned that I may have to take something to help ease this anxiety- again not defeat (even though I felt it at first) but getting through this part and being okay with needing a little bit of help.

So, what does Cancer and treatments look like? It looks like someone who is trying to live their very best every day. It’s someone who wants so bad for everything to be normal but has to learn to strive in a “new” normal (so tired of that phrase from the pandemic, but it’s true). It’s someone that will not accept defeat. It’s someone that must lean on the Lord, take a deep breath, and instead of counting the days until the end, live moment by moment. It’s someone that’s learning to give themselves grace and more importantly, accept it.