I’m trying to remember what the day was like that Schoolfest in 1999. I know it was hot, and I knew I felt prepared because I had my disposable camera. Ah, the sound of a disposable camera- click, wind, go- never knowing your results until CVS developed them. Damn, you asked for doubles and some didn’t turn out. It’s all a part of the gamble of your 13-year-old life.

This Schoolfest felt different from the years before, you are the tail end of your 8th grade year which means you’ll be entering the high school next year. Scary stuff! You think you’ve got it all figured out, at the moment anyways, because you remembered your hemp necklace and it pairs well with your overalls. This Schoolfest would also be one of the last moments you would get to spend with people you thought would always be around or your friend. Knowing now when I didn’t know then, I think there would be a few things I would have liked to said but I’m not sure what that would have been coming from 13-year-old me. I’d probably try to be profound and quote some lyric from a Wallflower or Bush CD that meant something to the both of us. Finding the right one would prove challenging though as I would have to look at the inside of the CD cover and that’s some tiny print!

What amazes me when I look back at my childhood and this point in time before the technology boom of 2007, is that we thought we were so “grown” but in reality, we had only begun to experience life. The summer of 1999 I learned about heartbreak for the first time as my first love moved away. Remember, there was no social media and long distance still was costly. Hot tears, hugging my favorite dog and the sound of the car horn are what I remember that day. The honk signaling the end of a small era. As an adult we may call these type of experiences as “growth” but it hurts to grow.

The next year would provide a hard to pill to swallow on the journey to adulthood as we had to bury one of our own. Balloons, the blue and white balloons releasing into the air, is what I remember about the day we buried a friend, a baseball player, and all-around good guy. Again, “growth” from pain but not understanding what could be gained from a tragedy of losing someone so young.

As the years continued to pass by quickly, each stage brought more changes: driver licenses, high school diplomas, college acceptance letters, college degrees, marriage, kids, and cancer. All of these opportunities to “grow” but still some hurt more than others.

All that being said is that I think I’ve “grown” up from all of these experiences but a part of me is still at SchoolFest in the bleachers laughing with friends, at the Old School playing yard football, and in my parents’ backyard with my favorite dog. Yes, I guess we all “grow” up, and we have plenty of experiences that provide “growth”, but I think it’s important that we don’t forget our childhood. Look through the prints from CVS, remember a girl you once knew with a wired smile and a hemp necklace, a time, and people that contributed to the 36-year-old version of you. Thank God for the growth and the pain and use it as you’ve got two boys that are growing. Tell them your story and help them create their own- living doesn’t always come easy, but it’s so special.

Live between the “Once upon a time” and “The End”. Shel Silverstein said it best “There are no happy endings. Endings are the saddest part, so just give me a happy middle and a very happy start. ”