The other day as I was walking on the back dock into work, something stopped me for a moment, and I looked over to the window into the Cancer Center. I thought about how many times I had sat on the opposite side of that window in the chemo lounge beside my mother getting chemo. Despite the treatment being tough, I enjoyed our Monday morning ritual and spending time with my mom. We would chat for a bit, look at our phones showing each other pictures, and I would gradually drift to sleep from the Benadryl.

I thought I caught a glance of my former self, a toboggan pulled down over a freshly shaven head with sweats and tennis shoes covered by a blanket given in love from friends. The beeps of the machine came to mind and the motley crew that would arrive similar to the regulars at the local bar. The regulars would give a greeting as they prepared for the grueling task of chemo in front of them with no complaints, living angels on earth. The TV in the background with the show Doctors added to the background noise. I remember the dread of having to go to the bathroom because of all the fluids and having to drag the IV pole, an unwanted friend, into the bathroom with me. I mastered the art of holding the pole and undressing. I see some of my favorite nurses moving gracefully from patient to patient with a smile and encouraging word.

It is as though for just a moment the former me saw me too and gave a nod. She smiled a knowing smile that one day she would be where I stood. I politely nodded back with a smile on my face, thankful to have known her but glad to be moving forward. I run my fingers through my hair, almost wavy like, thick to the touch. It feels wonderful. I step into the hospital ready to do a day’s work, God’s work, feeling alive and grateful.

As crazy as it sounds, I am grateful for the time at the Cancer Center. I gained new friends, a new perspective and insight into another world. And if I ever should forget to count my blessings, I’ll peer into the window at the Cancer Center, and I will remember. I will remember.