A wise man once said (my father), “In our attempt to be different, we end up being the same as everyone else.” Those words have been rolling around in my brain all weekend. He said he, too, was a follower of sorts, but I beg to differ. I have always admired both my mom and him as I felt they were different- a good sort of different.

I question myself and wonder if I am authentic, and wonder if we really end up who we were meant to be. Or is it a constant movement in chipping away until the end? I should have all this stuff and myself figured out by now. I’ll be 40 in June, but some days I think I do, and sometimes I don’t.

I have always admired those who had a different beat in their head than the rest of us. They don’t seem to compare themselves to others and don’t care if what they choose to do is the next best thing. In a world of Pinterest Boards, Instagram, and social media for that matter, we now can compare ourselves 24 hours if we so choose to others across the globe. I argue that this is not healthy, or if in volume, rather. Yes, it’s good to get ideas- that’s how this world works, but losing yourself (a high price) is not worth it.

I am not sure what the point of my rambling is. I think I am trying to convince myself that I am authentic, but a silent voice within says, “Are you sure?” and I think, “No, I’m really not sure.” I just know I am trying, and I do generally care for people, about people. I want them to see me as someone who tries and fails.

I watched a movie last night- White Bird, and it really touched me. A family chose to hide a Jewish girl during World War II. It had me wondering- would I do the same, or would I be a follower of something that turned into something terrible, an atrocity? I’d like to think I would protect the least of these, but in a moment to protect my own, would I?

I have no resolution to tie this up in a neat little bow. We are simply humans, and humans are not perfect. I will keep trying and failing. I will do what my parents have taught me to do: love others, do not judge, think, and seek the truth. I think that’s all there really is in the end. The Beatles were right: “All you need is love.”

Photo Cred: Anderson Coplin – I once had my nieces put makeup on me, and he didn’t like it. This picture is how he sees me- no makeup and just his mom.