The proverbial shoe dropped, and now I face a second diagnosis of cancer. Acceptance has been difficult, and my faith has been shaken.

I start to pray and stop – not sure what to say. Maybe I’m masking my disappointment, afraid to let God know the truth. He already knows.

I know most will say let go and let God, but it’s not easy. Some will quote scripture. I have to find my own solitude.

I think about the disciples. They hung out with Jesus but still questioned and even denied him.

I find comfort in who Jesus chose to walk alongside him because they were human and not perfect. Maybe that’s the answer I’ve been seeking.

Simply, there is no answer right now. Maybe it’s just to follow. Follow. Walk. 

Ok, God. I will. My heart hurts, and I’m mentally fatigued, but I will. I’m walking.

Thank God for letting me walk alongside you despite my imperfections and my trepidations.