I sat in my cousin’s backyard this weekend in Auburn listening to his wife’s wind chimes. The sun shined on my face. Earlier in the week, after a pet scan, I learned that part of my cancer was responding well to treatment but a new spot has appeared in my left sternum.

At first I was okay but as the day progressed onto the evening when there was more time to think I began to worry over this spot. It made me mad and sad. I tried to tell God but my words fell short.

Fast forward to this weekend and the wind chimes. Somehow they reminded me of God’s presence telling me to stay still, one day, one moment at a time. I finally felt relaxed.

Every 4 weeks I wait with abated breath and then I’m left mentally exhausted. I’ve decided now however to choose how I react and plan for these appointments. I have a choice in my actions.

I choose joy. I choose goals. I choose me.

I choose to want it more than I fear it. I want to be here. I want to do so many things and Lord willing I will. I will.