Gather around ye children, and I shall tell you a tale of trends from ages ago, the early 2000s. It was after the birth of Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior and a pre iPhone and social media era. For the younger generation, this would be considered the “Dark Ages”. I consider it the “glory days”. Cell phones were around but not all of us had one. There were no text messages or cameras on cell phones. Photos were taken with devices called disposable cameras which required processing. There were no guarantees your images would turn out as you waited for what seemed an eternity for the photos to develop.

Now that late nineties and early 2000s fashion appears to be making a come back, I shall now tell you about Soffee shorts. Soffee shorts are gym shorts of various colors. The key in wearing these shorts, are that they are to be rolled up at the waist band. The more times they were rolled up this way could quite possibly indicate your status as um… well a quite frankly a Ho (please excuse my derogatory term but that’s a term from the time period). One roll was standard. It was also important your socks pulled up to your knee and then scrunched accordingly with New Balance on your feet. These shorts were worn with your bathing suit or a layer of t-shirts with a hemp necklace per protocol.

Additionally, as Spring approached with upcoming proms and school dances, the teenage girl in the 2000s (myself included) would begin the ritual of tanning. The teenage girl would pay for a certain length of time to tan (working her way up from 5 minutes to 25 minutes or so). Proper preparation included two key items- eye goggles and the proper selection of a sticker. As memory serves me, your choice would be either a playboy bunny or heart sticker.

This sticker was placed in an area not seen by anyone except for one’s self. The placement may have given the teenage girl a thrill in knowing secretly that she had used such a sticker and placed in such a explicit spot. Nonetheless, it was standard practice of course.

As I got older and continued such ritual to prepare for Sorority cocktails and formals, the tanning beds got more elaborate with CD players. I remember fondly putting in my burned CD in the tanning bed to listen to while I fried each side of my skin so delicately. The burned CD was probably downloaded off of Limewire which is a tale for another time.

I surmise the last time I tanned was circa 2005 or 2006 before graduating college. I have not since done this ritual or worn Soffee shorts as now my mom bod does not compliment this attire. No more stickers either except what my son gives me and they ain’t going anywhere on this body.

Please see picture below for reference to Soffee shorts and proper rolling of shorts. If this makes a come back, I shall laugh in delight and remember a simpler time.