Growing up one of my favorite childhood books was by Judy Blume, Are you there God? It’s me Margaret. It chronicles a young girl’s journey into getting her first period with some memorable lines. I must, I must, I must increase my bust. Admit, there’s a chance you even chanted it yourself. It was my best friend Beth and I’s guide into womanhood during 5th or 6th grade.

Years later, when I was first diagnosed with breast cancer, I was told that part of the treatment would put me in early menopause. This treatment was because my original cancer was hormone positive (it basically fed off of estrogen). I accepted it no questions asked. I had a 2 and 8 year old at the time and was in a hurry to get back to normal.

Normal, never came but was replaced by it’s second cousin, twice removed. I refer affectionately to as Now. I didn’t really know what questions to ask. I knew it meant hot flashes and no more period (I don’t miss her). I count myself blessed as I had already had my children. Those that get diagnosed at an earlier age are not that fortunate.

What I didn’t know came with menopause (or poor Margaret all grown up) was that it meant weight gain, fatigue, insomnia, bouts of sadness (for no reason), and lack of drive. Hormones control so much and when they are taken away quickly, your body doesn’t know how to react.

What I wished I had asked was how to manage menopause and her lovely symptoms- what to eat, exercise, and how to deal with the uncomfortable things. Now, as I trudge on in this journey (sometimes I skip, walk, run but some days it feels like trudging), I am trying to figure out what to eat, exercise, and how to take care of myself.

I found some things online about what to eat- vegetables, (legume variety and of the broccoli family) more protein, and less carbs (but more fiber). Boy, do I love carbs. I am attempting to exercise at least three times a week. Yoga, has brought me a peace and helps with my stress. By the way, if you have cancer or fear for re-occurrence (hell who wouldn’t?), cortisol is not good (from stress) so find something that helps you relax. Yoga, has been great for me.

Honestly, even with exercising, the weight is as stubborn as my 2nd born. I know it’s due in part to my diet which I will work on. The scale, she mocks me, every time I step on and says, “not today, no chance.” I know I’ve got to give myself grace as my body is fighting.

Are you there God? It’s me Ashley. My bust tried to kill me, and I am just asking for help navigating menopause and cancer. I am also asking you to help others who are experiencing similar issues. I must, I must, I must win this fight.