I stood in my parents’ kitchen yesterday as we discussed the latest COVID-19 news and other things happening in the world. Frustrated would be one way to describe how both my parents and I feel at the moment. As we were hashing out the news, it occurred to me that one of the reasons I write a lot about my childhood is that it appeared to be a simpler time than now. However, there really is nothing “new under the sun”; good and bad have always existed. It really just comes down to the fact that we didn’t have as much access to information as we do now. Sadly, I sometimes long for not having the access we have; ignorance really is bliss. Yesterday’s conversation also got me thinking about what lessons I learned growing up as a Rogers. I decided I’d share 10 lessons (even though there are more) I learned growing up with my parents. I’ll try to note which parent I learned what lesson. Hopefully, it will be a good reminder to us all that no matter what circumstances are in the world, it’s important to lean on our family values and what we know to be true, a solid foundation. I also should note alot of these lessons were taught by my parents being an example in how they live and show to love to others.

1. “Give me Gravy”, part of this Blog’s title is a lesson from my dad. It is rooted in the lesson of being assertive in order to get what you want. We were in the drive thru line at the old Hardees ordering breakfast. When asked what I wanted, I hesitated. My entire life I have always been worried about pleasing others and sometimes to my detriment. My dad turned from the passenger seat and said, “Ashley, if you want a gravy biscuit, say it. Say “Give Me Gravy!”
2. “To make friends, you must be a friend” comes from my mom. I was extremely shy as an adolescent but yearned to have friends. In middle school, my mom helped by making the process of making friends simple; speak to one new person a day. This seemed manageable and at the end of my career at Demopolis Middle School, I knew everyone including the support staff. One of my favorite people at DMS from this experience was Mr. Barry James. He always had a smile on his face.
3. “Don’t be quick to judge others”-this lesson came from both parents. From looking back at journals and thinking about my life, a lot of my lessons came as a young teenager. Middle school seems to be the age where kids are categorized by groups-some by their choosing but a lot of it decided by their peers. My parents always reminded me that there was more to a person than what his or her appearance was, and you really didn’t know what their life really was like. This lesson leads into the next one.
4. “Treat others as you would like to be treated”, the old Golden Rule, again from both parents. In Southern terms, you “attract more flies with honey than with vinegar”.
5. “Accept others’ differences”- a lesson from both parents but a lot of discussion on this topic with my dad. This lesson really is a culmination of lessons 3 and 4. By learning to see beyond a person’s appearance and treating them with respect, I was able to learn more about that person, learning similarities and differences along the way. By accepting people’s differences, I was able to make friends with all kinds of people. From this experience, I have gotten to be friends with some of the most interesting people of all ages and backgrounds.
6. “It is better to look good than to feel good”, a lesson from my mom. Sometimes, when we aren’t feeling are best (where it be physically, emotionally, etc.), it’s important to put on something we feel confident in and face the day. By the end of the day, most of the time, your mood has shifted and you start feeling good!
7. “Exercise, eat right and take care of yourself”, a lesson from both parents but a lot from my dad (the 68-year-old man that still exercises like crazy and is on no medication). The lesson really hit home several years ago when I was struggling with miscarriages and high blood pressure (from the stress of it all). I also learned that I was pre-diabetic. As I sat in the swing at my parents’ house with bandages from blood work and feeling deflated, my dad simply asked “What are you going to do about it?” I knew I had the start eating better and exercising.
8. “Don’t take yourself too seriously”, a lesson from my mom. My mom and I are so much alike. She, too, is a recovering “worrier”. Over time, I’ve seen her develop into a confident woman and less of worrier than when I was a kid (maybe us growing up helped, not sure).
9. “Buy the damn X (insert here what you want”- this lesson is from my dad. I struggle sometimes with self-care and doing things for myself. A lesson in empowerment again on getting what you want and not feeling guilty. Of course, there’s a line and you don’t want to go crazy -live within your means but my God treat yourself sometimes!
10. “Seek the truth”- a lesson from my dad. The award for the most objective man in this world goes to…Mike Rogers. He is able to look at any situation and look at both sides. He seeks the truth in everything and has encouraged his children to do the same. This is a powerful lesson, especially in these times as it’s hard to see what the truth really is but you’ll know it when you see it, if you don’t feel it in your heart and gut first.

I hope these lessons help you to see what’s really important. In the end, all we can do is take care of what’s right in front of us- our family and loved ones. Choose love and when necessary, turn the music up.

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