In a few short days I’ll get my port put in and in a few days after that I’ll start my first rounds of chemo. Hair loss is to be expected, as well as, feeling fatigue and generally crappy. I’d be lying if I told you I wasn’t scared. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever faced. The first 4 rounds are expected to the be hardest. The 12 chemo treatments and radiation following will be a walk in the park compared to the first leg of the race. I try to only think about one task at a time and not go chasing the rabbit from Alice in Wonderland down some pointless hole.

What gives me hope though is the support I’ve received from my family and friends. I am not fighting this alone even though at times you feel alone. As silly as it sounds, it’s sometimes hard to hear others making plans and going on with their daily lives- as they should- but still. I don’t expect the world to stop but sometimes, I wish it could.

Now more than ever, I’ve got to keep moving forward, fighting. Courage doesn’t mean you are not afraid; it’s just how you choose to move forward. And boy, am I moving forward- tearing, clawing, pushing with a tear stung face to get through this. I won’t give up even when I feel the worst. I refuse.

The battle is on the horizon but the war will soon be over. God’s got this. I’ve got this.

Thank you to my friends and family for the encouragement, support, and love. I’m going to need each of you now more than ever before. I can’t help but remember the poem we memorized in Mrs. Elliot’s class in 7th Grade by Walter Wintle.

If you think you are beaten, you are;
If you think you dare not, you don’t.
If you’d like to win, but you think you can’t,
It is almost a cinch you won’t.

If you think you’ll lose, you’ve lost;
For out in this world we find
Success begins with a fellow’s will
It’s all in the state of mind.

If you think you’re outclassed, you are;
You’ve got to think high to rise.
You’ve got to be sure of yourself before
You can ever win the prize.

Life’s battles don’t always go
To the stronger or faster man;
But sooner or later the person who wins
Is the one who thinks he can!